If you are one of the 2 people who ever followed me on here, come visit www.sarahcasm.wordpress.com to get a more accurate reflection of who I am… 3 years later.

Adios.

Nonetheless, here I go.

Spring is around the corner and I am welcoming it with open arms!  It is so amazing to watch my son discover the infinate world outside the confines of his house.  He’s not a big fan of the cold, so he’s been soaking in the sun and taking full advantage of his relatively new skill of bipedal movement!

I had forgotten how interesting grass can be, or how fascinating a dead leaf left over from fall is!  There is so much for him to learn and discover, and for me to remember and rediscover.

Hello Spring!  We missed you!!

this morning I was at Starbucks trying to enjoy a coffee frappuccino when the woman at the next table whipped out a compact and proceeded to apply full make-up: foundation, cover-up, powder, eye liner. I’m sure there was blush and mascara involved, too, but I didn’t stick around to find out.

isn’t the point of make-up to create an illusion? if that is the case, doesn’t applying it in public defeat the purpose?

not only that, but there was something perceivably dirty about it. It kinda grossed me out. Actually, that is why I left. I guess I go to Starbucks for the atmosphere and the illusion that high-end, five dollar coffee creates. If I wanted to be reminded of a bathroom, I’d go to Tim Hortons! Ha! That came out wrong.

nonetheless, there are certain things that people don’t need to do in public. full make-up application is one of those things. do it BEFORE you leave the house, or if you have to do it in public, go to the bathroom, people! don’t shatter my precious illusion.

think about that.

I was going to dedicate this blog to adult things. you know, like street grates and random conversations with strangers. I had decided that I wasn’t going to blog about kids and parenting and all that stuff that childless people find so tedious. however, that is my life, now. and, you know what? I embrace that. My son is everything, and so he should be.

which brings me to the topic at hand. my son. actually it’s not so much about him, as about other people. my son is 3.5 months old and whenever I see or meet people this is the conversation that follows…

person: he’s so cute!

me: thanks

person: how is he?

me: he’s great! he spoils us; he’s really easy.

person: oh, so he sleeps through the night?

me: well, no.

person: oh.

until I became a mom, I was unaware of the fact that the gauge of a good baby is whether or not he sleeps through the night. call me insane, but I don’t mind waking up to feed him. honestly, I rather wake up once or twice in the night to feed him than to have a baby who sleeps through the night, but needs to be held all day (or whatever the case may be). during the day, I can sit my son down in chair (we have a number of baby chairs, and he doesn’t have a preference) and he is perfectly content. I can do chores around him – laundry, dishes, dinner -he just watches. that, to me, is an easy baby. who cares if he gets hungry at night. he’s a baby.

you know, the first thing everyone told me when I had a baby was “trust your instincts.” good. that I can do. phew.

the second thing was “they say you should…” (I would really like to meet the omnipotent they and check their credantials!)

the problem is, most of the time, my instincts conflict with the shoulds and the supposed tos. So, am I really supposed to trust my instincts? or, am I really supposed to do what I’m supposed to do? (if you are confused, join the club!)

basically, I don’t want to screw him up. if he doesn’t want to sleep in his crib, will it really damage him if he doesn’t? if he freaks out whenever we put him in it, is forcing him worth the stress it causes him? do the means justify the end. I mean, before I know it, he’ll be in a bed, anyway. instincts tell me to let him sleep wherever he feels safe, secure and comfortable. they tell me that he should be in his crib.

I also don’t understand this whole hyper-scheduled, structured approach to baby care. if I listen to him, won’t he tell me what he needs? even if it is (god forbid) half an hour before he’s supposed to be hungry, or an hour after I’ve decided he should be tired enough to nap? I dunno. I understand that, for children, routine is important because it makes life predictable, which makes them feel secure. but, how rigid does that have to be? and, how soon does it need to be implemented? he’s a baby. my instincts tell me to give him some credit and trust him to tell me what he needs.

hence… the guilt. do I trust my instincts, or do I listen to them?

the interesting thing about blogging is that it’s completely ego-driven. i mean, someone has to give a damn about what I have to say, but first, I have to BELIEVE that someone gives a damn, or should. oh, the arrogance of the ‘look at me’ world in which we live. blech

BUT, here I am typing away hoping to be validated by other fingers on a distant keyboard.

you know what stole me from blogging? facebook. now THAT is one ego-feeding frenzy! pics and vids and notes and posts and mini-feeds and friends lists – all screaming “LOOK AT ME DAMN YOU! I AM SO MUCH BETTER AND MORE POPULAR THAN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL! SEE? THIS PROVES IT. I HAVE 308 FRIENDS! 308! ” and lil ol’ me is so sucked in. puke.

anyway, if you feel so inclined to read my drivel, more power to ya. and, thank you. you are a better person than I.

there are so many cliches and concepts about the idea that you get what you give. actually, that idea reflects a fundamental law of physics – the law of attraction… that like attracts like.

makes me think. i’ve been doing quite a bit of research into quantum physics and the more i read the less I seem to know know, but the more things make sense (haha – welcome to quantum physics). it’s interesting to marry science with philosophy and spirituality. physics is much cooler than Mr. Dwyer ever led me to believe before I dropped that class.

according to science, we are all energy. according to the law of attraction, like attracts like. so, whatever we put out – in regards to vibrations, etc, we attract… funny how that fits into my problem with negativity. it really does feed off itself and grow.

basically, what you consume yourself with becomes you (a la you are what you eat, but not quite ). so, if you are consumed with negativity and focus on it, then you bring more of that energy into yourself.

it happens all the time…
‘he doesn’t put the toilet seat down!’ becomes bigger and bigger everytime you go into the bathroom and fall into the toilet (for future reference – it’s helpful to look before you leap)

so, you focus on this ONE negative thing that annoys the Hell outta ya instead of…
he cooks for me
he cleans for me
he does the laundry
he makes me laugh
he picks me up from work…
or whatever ‘he’ does.

that one thing overrides all the positive things that he does.

theory would have it that if you focus on the positive things – the ones you are grateful for, more will come and the toilet seat will become a non-issue.

so, this begs the question… what are YOU grateful for??
what are you consuming?

rewind:

Me: (approaches bus stop wondering if I’ve missed the bus)

Random Man: (waiting for bus)

Me: “you been waiting long?”

Random Man: “yeah”

Me: (relieved that I didn’t miss the bus)

Man: “I’m new in the neighbourhood”

Me: (staring down the street for any sign of a bus) “oh, that’s nice”

Man: “I used to live at Jane & Weston”

Me: “oh, yeah”

(awkward silence)

Me: “so you live around here”

Man: “yup”

Me: (still staring down the street to avoid eye contact) “it’s a nice neighbourhood except when the bus is late”

Man: “I’ve had a rough life”

Me: “oh”

Man: “but that’s what happens when you’re poor” (looks me up and down)

Me: (dressed up in my work clothes looking very Bay Street) “oh”

Man: “been paying off a debt my whole life that wasn’t mine”

Me: “oh, I think I hear the bus”

Man: “yeah, it’s been rough”

Me: (false alarm on the bus)

Man: “I was wondering if you want to be my friend. You look like a nice enough person”

(awkward silence)

Me: “Oh, I see the bus”

Man: gets on bus and sits at the front

Me: gets on bus and sits at the back

Man: stares at me the entire trip…creepy

oh, the joys of city life!